Mistakes
by Dragon's Clan
Summary: Subaru and Kamui are similar due to their history of tragedies, they were friends, but they never learn from their mistakes. Now is one of them. A gift fic to Sei-chan-1999. Part 1 of 'Mistakes' series. Cross-post it from AO3.


X/1999 belongs to CLAMP.

* * *

The meeting wasn't a coincidence. It was inevitable, or at least written by Fate herself.

Subaru can distinctly remember how warm Kamui's arms were around him when he first woken up from a catatonic state after watching Fuuma decapitating Kotori's head.

He can also distinctly remember how close they gotten as friends when Kamui, the other Ten No Ryus, and himself gotten enrolled in academically.

Those were bright memories.

However, Subaru can also remember the shocked pain of loosing an eye to the Chi No Ryu's Kamui that Kamui calls best friend, and the way his heart stuttered at seeing Seishirou instead of the Chi No Ryu's Kamui. He fully aware that person that took his eye was the Chi No Ryu's Kamui, but the sight of Seishirou brings out the pain and chaotic emotions that make him hesitate. He lost his eye that night, on his hospital bed, he told Kamui that it was his wish to lose an eye. Not once, he figured that wish was from guilt and it weighed heavily on it despite his goal. Waking up to Kamui holding his hand was surprising itself.

Holding Kamui's hand from when he woke up in bandages and pain, was an echo, and initially Subaru never thought it was something else. Merely returning the gesture and gratitude for when Kamui was there.

That was the first mistake.

Subaru barely remembers the feel of warmth liquid dripping down his arm, being pulled away as the bridge collapsed and the words he hears clearly from Seishirou repeats like a mantra that becomes a broken record. He barely moved from his position on the sofa, barely feels Kamui laying down on his thigh in comfort from the ordeal and that he absently runs his fingers through the youth's hair. He was grieving, both of them knows it, and that's when he tell's Kamui that not everyone can be happy. As soon as Kamui leaves, Subaru leaves through the window and he doesn't feel free. He feels oddly detached.

The following memory was Fuuma in the Sakurazuka house over in Kyoto, and Subaru finally sees Fuuma without seeing Seishirou. In the tank he's holding, is an eye. Seishirou's eye. He frowns at this, and Fuuma smiles grimly.

"You can have the eye. We need the new Sakurazukamori. You don't have to fight, just observe the final act." At least, those were those words. The eye in the tank looks back at him mockingly, very much like it's late host. Gold in amber and cold as deceipt. Subaru, of course, doesn't hesitate in that offer.

Subaru wonders as to why Kamui considers Fuuma as a best friend? He doesn't considers the irony of perhaps the past of what occurred between Seishirou and himself, and stretching towards now.

That was the second mistake.

The third mistake was when Kamui fatally wounds Fuuma, realizes the wish and it was an accident. The tower doesn't fall, merely looms over the judgement, the air doesn't choke, nothing but the echoing sounds of Kamui's broken sobs as he cradles Fuuma body to his own. It's an eerily mirror, and Subaru suppress the cold shiver of a memory filled of collapsing bridge, a broken body with warm fluid, and emotionally shock. Subaru leaves as soon as neither mankind or Earth is harmed.

After the first kill, the rest follow easily and blood reeks around him. That wasn't a mistake, it's his chosen path, it's what Seishirou would have wanted. No, the fourth mistake was accidentally bumping into an emotionless Kamui, whose eyes are guarded and quieted of the emotions. In Ueno park of all places, and near the largest Sakura tree in the park that's been drench with blood from history.

Subaru, at first, asks, demands, for Kamui to leave. However, Kamui stills, let's out a breath, and says the one thing that should be the last thing on Subaru's mind.

"Let me be your end." For a long while, Subaru feels stunned at this admission.

"Why?" He isn't angry, he isn't curious, but something must have showed cause Kamui let's out a gentle smile that shouldn't be there in the amount of danger he is currently in despite being an esper. Subaru can feel the remote curiosity and bloodlust hunger from the tree.

"So I can feel again." There was silence, and Subaru feels anger.

"Do you understand what you are doing? Once you go through this, you won't remember our previous encounters! You'll only remember the me now!" He has every right to be angry, every right to want Kamui not to follow his footsteps. Kamui merely smiles at this, and there is a quieted emotion in his violet eyes that surfaces before gone.

"I know. I only have to run from you for seven years, right?"

"That's not the point!"

"Perhaps, but you also know that the way for you to be freed from Sakurazukamori tree is to be killed by a lover's hand." Subaru grips Kamui's shoulders, he didn't know how close he had gotten to the boy until now.

"I don't want you to become me." The smile turns into a frown, and Subaru feel's a gentle touch on his hand.

"To be kind is to be cruel. Please allow me this." Subaru shudders on how right the words are, and that Kamui should've not come here and live in his own life and have friends and have a normal life that's he and himself been robbed from.

"Please, I know I'm selfish but please let me have this..." The plea shouldn't have sound like salvation in his ears, an opening hope for finally resting and being with Hokuto and Seishirou again.

The next mistake was closing his eyes and giving in to Kamui.

The following mistake was, after seven years, finally finding Kamui who is now older, quieter, but beautiful none the less. Violet eyes are welcoming, his body relaxed, and understanding. In the short of amount of time, Subaru realizes that the mistake was letting Kamui doing the healing process and loving him for it for inviting a familiar stranger into his life. Kamui would become him and he would finally rest happily.

The last mistake was unconsciously molding Kamui to take his place and never correcting their own mistakes that both are uncomfortably are aware of.


End file.
